Saturday, November 28, 2015

1, 2, 3. . .


er. hi?!

it's been a long time since my last post huh? I won't be updating much soon. So, it'll be kinda neglected for a certain period. Hoho.
well, for certain I'll be updating my blog whenever I have a chance =D not sure whether where I'm going will have any internet service or not. Hoho~

Anyways~ wish me luck !

Ja~ matta ne~!!

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Monday, November 23, 2015


Counting the days ♥
can't wait !

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Monday, November 16, 2015



actually, 2 days ago i drove down Seremban with Mdm. got some thing to do at KLIA2. hoho.
fun !
the last time i visited Seremban was raya? dunno. couldn't remember.

what can i say abt Seremban huh?
none. too many memories. both good + bad. though many new changes i could see nw, bt d remnants from my past were still there.

my life as a college student, my friends, my memories that i created when si gila came down and visit. all of it.
memories were a little fuzzy but still, i could imagine the road me + my girls took. . .the place we went. . .all of it. . .
and of course, those memories of him.

we took d ktm from Seremban Station, chugchugchug~ along the railway to Bandar Tasik Selatan. i told Mdm at d nite b4 that we could always take the bus from Nilai.
bt she insists ! i calculated the time, and decided to just went along with Mdm.

arrived at Bdr Tasik Selatan at 10am, an hour ! wooh~ took d ERL to KLIA2. Had to wait til 1040 for our train, then off to KLIA2.


nice~ well. what can i say abt new things? they're nice. hoho~

soooooo many ppl ! foreigners, locals. . .hoho~

after taking care of my business, Mdm + i had lunch there and looked around for a while.

we came back to Seremban at around 4? maybe. so late already =.="

headed our next course to Pasir Gudang ! home ! haha~

came back home at around 9 something.


penat !!! but it was fun. Mdm + I talked a lot. we talked abt everything ! haha !

so, later !

today's Mdm birthday. gonna celebrate !

next post is on the way~

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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Apples are red.

Hee~ :D
What did i do today?
As soon as i wake up, wash my face - had breakfast - sat in front of d tv & watched recorded programmes like The Return of Superman. hoho.

Then, watched a few things on tv. . .Mdm came down d stairs saying she wanted spaghetti today.
So? started d bike's engine + we're off to mart. . .bought some things. . .


Cooked . . . ate . . .

It's already 1903. Hoho~ hw time flies.



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Monday, November 09, 2015

One day.


While reading my old inputs. . . and remembering the conversation between Mdm & me. . .
aku x puas hati 1 je. . .


1. Why Mdm sounded like that?
2. Why Mdm asked things that I don't want to answer?
3. Why. . .WHY she asked me in you-dun-have-to-b-that-way kinda tone to me? regarding HIM?!!

huh! *rolleyes*

Aku rase aku da ckp clear. Watever that is between them is exclusively between them ! =.="
I !! Do not wish to know.
Lagipun, nk bg dia chance? NO WAY!!
Sekalipun aku bg Doraemon kat dia, belum tentu dia akn guna Doraemon utk, walau sekali, mmbetulkan balik apa yg dah jadi antara aku + dia.
Berjuta kali aku bg talian hayat kat dia, belum tentu dia akn ambil.

Sebab dia dah biasa.
Dia dah biasa sangat dimaafkan bila dia minta maaf. Dah biasa sangat bila dia buat salah, ada org akan sentiasa depakan tangan diorang utk terima dia tanpa soal.
Dah biasa sangat.

Bila aku baca balik email² yg aku pnh bg, xde satu pn yg die reply warmly. Semua email aku hantar, walaupn ayat² aku ada garangnya tp xde satu ayat pn yg x lembut. Setiap patah perkataan aku taip, aku fikir beribu kali agar x melukakan hati & ego dia. Setiap ayat, masih penuh dgn kasih, aku taipkn agar dia faham betapa aku sayang & aku hanya nak die fikir mana baik & buruk.

Dia. . .banyak kali lukakan hati aku.
Dengan perangai dia, dengan pilihan dia, dengan kata² dia. Setiap kali dia buat salah, aku dengan bodohnya bukakan tangan aku untuk memeluk dia. . .

Bila aku masih cinta, dunia aku mmg x revolves around him. . . mmg aku x letak dia as top priority.
Sebab possibility untuk aku + dia drifting apart is very high. Possibility untuk aku + dia x memahami satu sama lain adalah sangat tinggi.
Lagipun, possibility untuk aku + dia break up adalah sangat tinggi juga.

Dia, x pnh tunjuk kesungguhan dia, keikhlasan dia unless someone dare him to do it. huhu~
Apa ni? Game?

Jadi mana dia letak aku? Haha.

I actually realise this a long time ago. . .cuma aku xmo face it sebab the feeling of having late night calls, small texts + messages saying 'I love you', 'I miss you'. . .

Yes. I was foolish. I was foolishly liking the thought of being in that situation.

Because that was the first time. The first time someone says that he likes me. The first time someone actually likes me for me. I recall Abah say this; Along trime dia sbb he's the 1st person who says he likes you, kn?

At that time, I didn't answer. Tapi Abah tahu.
Eventhough I know. . .I knew all along. . .tapi aku tetap nk hold onto that little ray of light in my hands.
Hey, at least I tried =)

Aku da cakap. . .aku dah tanya dgn jelas. . .If you want to go, I understand. If you want to stay, then we do this together.
Aku dah cakap. Aku dah tanya. Tapi I guess, his resolve smpai kat situ je =)
He started to sway. And when he sways, what's left for me to do?
Bila aku di dalam keadaan untuk memilih keluarga atau dia, bila dimana dia langsung x helpful langsung utk kuatkn pendirian aku untuk memilih jalan mana yg xkn sakitkn sapa². . .
tell me, what was the best thing for me then?

At last, he gave me a cowardice reply. Dia hilangkan diri.
Dia xnk explain + stay silent for days. Tinggalkan aku terkapai², tercari². . .
Aku tanya diri aku. . .salah aku ke?
I doubted myself a lot. Where did I go wrong?
Why? Why? Why? . . .

After a while, I had to know it from someone else. Dia x berani nk ckp.
Smpai satu masa, dia hanya boleh kata. . .maybe jodoh kita smpai sini saja.

After saying that you wanted to stay. . .haha.
I was devasted. Hati aku sakit. Tapi I couldn't cry.
Satu titis airmata pun x sudi nk keluar.
Smpai Mdm sendiri begged me to let him go.
Aku x reply tapi akhirnya, satu² airmata aku jatuh tanpa paksaan.
Wah~ astonishing isn't it?

Jadi. . .after so many years trying to forget every bit of memory of him. . .aku terseksa for 6 years.
Baru sekarang aku rasa at ease, tenang. . .

And why am I at ease? Aku da maafkan dia? Aku da lupakn dia?
X. Aku rase at ease sebab aku da trime.
Aku dah make peace dgn memories aku + dia. Those memories won't hurt me anymore :)

Maafkan dia? Dah lama dah.
Lupa? Impossible :)

Like I said. . .I am at peace with my past with him.
The boy who I loved dearly, is not in him anymore. Whereas I am not the girl that he remembered years ago.
We changed.

I grew stronger. My heart grew thicker skin.
He. . .is not my knife anymore. He. . .don't cause me pain anymore.
He. . .definitely don't make butterflies fluttering lovingly in my stomach anymore.
In other words, he doesn't make my heart flutters like the way he did 10 years ago.

Aku. . .dah graduate from the pain. . .
No more already.
Jadi, it is impossible for us to be together again :)
No matter how hard he's gonna try. . .nothing will change the fact that he let go :)
And I, have no more feelings for him anymore.
No more anger, sad. . .nothing. Just nothing :)

And I hope, one day. . .he'll understand and accept the fact that it's already gone. I hope one day, he'll have someone who could be by his side. . .loving, caring, understanding for him and will eventually be forever til death do them apart.

He'll be fine. I'll be just fine too.
I'll learn hw to love again. One day.

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Future plans

Hey !
It's been a long time since I blogged :p huhu

Ok. Having to not write or posting anything is actually rather ridiculous.
Hw am I suppose to vent off my feelings if i dun write???

So, here goes.


New environment, new people, new experience !
How long? As long as I see fit =p I want to see the world !

I once read from an article or maybe heard it from TV, couldn't remember, the beautiful 'Black Swan' actress Ms Natalie Portman says : "I hate study. But learning, I enjoy." or something similar like that.
I remembered the important words only. Haha !

I have goals that I set in my life. For myself & for my family. For nw, I'll just do what I can as the eldest =)

Aha ! For this particular goal, I'll let myself a little open for relationships.
Hehe...It's not that I object =.="
It is just too hard !!! >.<" grr~ tau x nisbah lelaki dgn perempuan sgguh berbeza dr thn 1990 dgn skrng???
Dah la dunia sekarang ni x tau mane gay mane straight =.=" oh susah !
It is hard as it is to actually be at war with other women...nk fend off men jugak?? homaigad!!!

And when I find myself a groom, I'll work hard to sustain the livelihood of my clan's line of decendants. Multiply !! With 4 girls in d family, I dunno hw many children us 4 gonna provide for our family =.=" haha...

So ! 4 goals at the moment. Papehal, will tmbh ikut ske ati aku. ngee~

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