Thursday, February 19, 2015

When it is you.

i wished u could stop coming into my dreams.
u always come to me in dreams whenever i am least expecting.
i nvr think of u and suddenly, like a reminder, u came to me.
i know u also got no power of this but hey, let me just blame u :p ngaa~

no. i dun miss u.
bt when u came, i WILL miss u.
sigh.

stop coming into my dreams and tell me stupid things like "i love you" or "i miss you" or asking me absurd questions like "marry me?"
huh =.="

it's hard accepting u nw & it is a very hard decision for me to make this happen u know =.="
hw can i possibly b neutral to what i am feeling and constantly straining myself from feeling to much whenever it is abt u?
i cant, u know.
it is very hard to b neutral when i dunno whether my heart is calm & settled when it is abt u.
hati aku ni pelik. hish!





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Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Next time, love.

sedihhhhhhh. xpolah. ade hikmah nape x dpt tgk buah hati yg aku cintai selame 14thn. huarghhhhhh~ *wishedcouldcry*






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Monday, February 09, 2015

Stop la wei.

Funny when the walls that I've tried hard to build & fortify came down to rubbles when he said "hi"
It hurts actually. My ego.
My brains too.
Wondering why on earth this heart of mine just shudders easily by a simple message from him.
It made my past efforts of building & gluing pieces of my heart that he crushed mercilessly years ago, into nothing.
This infuriates me.

Why, u may wonder, I write this post.
Simple. I dreamt of him this morning.
I wish my heart could just stop responding to this man.
Stop burning for him.
Stop having goosebumps bcoz of him.
Stop every sensation whenever he smile, he looks at u, he whines, laughs. Everything.
By a simple reply could already took me over. I don't dare to imagine if he is in front of me.
So close that I can smell his perfume, his face & maybe if luck by my side, the warmth emitting from him.
That would give me a hell of holding back to let out my hands reaching him & maybe even trying to hold him.
The thought *brrr* made me shook my head thousand times.

If he would dare to ask me abt my feelings for him, maybe I'd lie.
Or maybe not.
I will give him a straight answer or just simply smile, not wanting to answer.
Dear God, I am holding back all I can to not wanting to let my heart explode by just catching a glimpse of him.

Pathetic er?
Some explanations I just couldnt find.
Why am I like this for a man who broke my heart like a bulldozer rammed into a brick wall?

Love?
Yes. I love him.
Miss?
Oh a lot.

*sigh*
I really have to find another.
Maybe my feelings for him will finally end.
Then, who & when?
Those two are my enemies for now.
I don't know who and I don't know when but I am keeping my faith high that one day another man will fill my heart, drowning this current occupant down & hopefully wash him away from my heart at last.

*sigh*
I pray.





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